I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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