Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
