So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
