its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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