oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
