Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
