you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
