Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
