Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
