Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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