I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
