Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
