Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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