wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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