I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
