my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
