that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
