On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
