i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
