I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
