thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
