the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
