dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
