How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
