How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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