I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've blown a few things in my day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
