His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
