composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
