you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
