my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
