Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
