that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
