You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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