You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
