first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
