I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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