There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
