this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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