my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Girls should come with a carfax report
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
