I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
