New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
