Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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