I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
