grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
