How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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