my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
