There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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