I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
