you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
