We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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