Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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