you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
