She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
