So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
