She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Holy shit dude........stairs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
