Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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