I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
